My 2 year old grabbed my face and looked me square in the eyes and said, “Mummy, you’re happy now?” He sort of blew me away. Did he know? Did he sense in me that I hadn’t been truly happy? That I was depressed and anxious and actually had been for most, if not all… Continue reading Mummy, you’re happy now?
And he did. Fucking everywhere! My toe was just about to hit the bath for my 20 second freshen up that makes me feel like a human and not a snot, poo, piss, and general grub magnet. Fucking hell Peppa pig, I asked you to do one job and you let the little shit lose… Continue reading Muuuuuuuuummmy I spilt milk EVERYWHERE!
I’m really struggling this past couple of weeks. Mentally and physically. And although I know why, I’m struggling to A) deal with it and B) deal with the fall out from dealing with it. For me my mood seems heavily influenced by fatigue and stress. When I am tired I have less emotional control –… Continue reading Deciding is hard. But it’s also the easy bit.
Finally the universe has brought some good news my way. I won’t beat around the bush…my biopsy was all clear. When the nurse told me this over the phone there was palpable relief. But there was also a second or two of silence whilst she read my notes that I realised my life was in… Continue reading It’s good news
I’m going back to work soon. Maybe as soon as next week. I feel ready. But I also feel apprehensive. I have changed so much these past 6 months or so that I don’t think I’m able to be the type 1 workaholic person I used to be. I also know that I actually cannot… Continue reading Emotional is ok.
The great news is I continue to feel well. So well that I would go so far as to consider myself happy at times. I told my therapist this in a quick post Christmas catch up email and her response took me back a little. She said this was lovely to hear, but to make… Continue reading Boom then bust isn’t helpful…
There’s a saying I’m aware of…’I’m like lego’ meaning ‘in bits’ or ‘shattered’. Today I am definitely like Lego. Yesterday depression crept in and it pissed me off. I was pretty agitated and frustrated at it. After the school pickup both boys were exhausted and clingy. Exactly what I needed. So instead of making tea… Continue reading Like Lego
The universe is hard to fight against, especially when it brings goodness, light and people who make a difference to me. The past few weeks have brought people, emails, moments, tears of sadness and complete emotion. And in these moments with these people something has clicked. I feel like I’m back. I feel light and… Continue reading I’m back and it feels good
Backwards and forwards. Highs and lows. Ups and Downs. God damn it! This whole process is hugely frustrating. “What are your beliefs?” “Is that really true?” “Thoughts are just thoughts” “Don’t withdraw” “stay connected” “you are not your depression”…I could go on. I have been in therapy for 9 months. The only other thing I… Continue reading Getting better isn’t easy
I read a post on Instagram this morning by Jen Pastiloff (#nobullshitmotherhood). Jen lives with depression, and, like me isn’t ALWAYS depressed. But today she is. She has a young baby, who is adorable and she has thousands of followers on facebook and Instagram, who do so for her candid outlook on life and motherhood,… Continue reading Little by little